Negative…for now

I assume anyone keeping up with this was able to come to the conclusion on their own that our transfer was not successful for our intended parents.  I was heartbroken and blogging didn’t seem to be where my mind took me.  Although I have been wanting to post for a few days and just got super busy.

I went for my blood draw Friday the 29th at 7:30 am.  Our IP’s came too and we all cried in the waiting room.  It felt like we all knew.  They still don’t know I tested early and that I basically knew going in that it was negative.  I just felt like they knew.  They left immediately after the appointment to go out of town for their daughter’s volleyball tournament.  We got the call around 2:00 from one of my favorite nurses.  She had already spoken to our intended mom but mentioned that it was in my chart for them to set up a consultation with the doctor.  The nurse hadn’t gotten a chance to tell her that because it was in my chart and not hers.

I waited a bit to text them and when I did they were amazing.  Sad, heartbroken, and all the things would be if you had one embryo that didn’t attach.  But they were also so kind to me and to my efforts to get pregnant.  I mentioned the consultation just out of courtesy but figured they were done.  The whole time they had the mindset that if this was in the plan it would happen and if it wasn’t it wouldn’t.

Well- our IM text me a few days ago and said she has an appointment the 23rd to hear him out.  As for the future- who knows.  Maybe she will try another egg retrieval.  Maybe she won’t.  I told her I am 100% in for whatever she chooses.  Secretly hoping and praying they give it another shot but also being respectful that it’s their family and their decision.

In other news of my life-

We took the twins to Disney
100% of my summer class passed their state test for basic reading skills
My babies turn 2 in 16 days (I AM A MESSSS ABOUT IT!!!!)
I am planning a birthday party as big as the one I threw last year that I said I would never do again! OOPS!

Those updates to come 🙂

xoxo

A

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Staying Positive in the Negative

UGH…I can’t get a doggone pee stick to agree with me.  I am so confident about this cycle. I have been confident all along.  I have had every symptom from headaches to vomiting.  That being said today is 7dp5dt and all my at home tests are negative.  I know that I am not out until I am out.  I also know I have to stop comparing this cycle to my twins because there were two and HCG was obviously higher.  (At 8 days after my transfer it was 202)  It just makes it hard.  I want this for them soooo badly.  But selfishly I also want it for myself and I feel so bad about that part.  I have wanted to be a surrogate forever…and ever…and ever…. and this family is picture perfect.  I don’t think they would do another egg retrieval and this was their only embryo.

So today I am worried.  I am wishing there was even a sliver of a line considering my beta is at 7:30 am tomrorow.  I am also not counting myself out though.  I just have so many feelings that it’s working. I have to stay positive until I get a phone call that I am out.  I have read of lots of people who get positive betas with negative HPT’s and I have read of people not getting their BFP until 8dp5dt but I think my previous BFP at 5dp5dt is what is killing my vibe.

In 24 hours I will know.  That in itself is heartwarming.  I just need to know.  I am soooooo hoping for a positive!!

Update tomorrow!!

xoxo

A

Feelings with no proof

When I was in my 2ww with my twins I KNEW I was pregnant.  Wait…okay…side note….I should start this post with an “My name is Amber and I am a pee stick peeing aholic.”  I am not sorry…it helps me cope…judge away.  As I was saying….

When I was in my 2ww with what became my pregnancy with my twins, I KNEW I was pregnant.  I had 7 BFN’s before them and I was CONFIDENT their round was different.  I don’t really remember having any big symptoms- I just knew in my heart and head that it was real.  I was taking cheap tests as early as 3dp5dt and getting sooooo pissed that they were negative because I just knew I was pregnant.

So here I am on 4dp5dt and I am going insane.  I thought this would be the part of surrogacy that would be different than my own babies.  I thought the wait wouldn’t be as agonizing.  WRONG!  I am going nutssss.  How has it only been 4 days?

I have been symptom checking everything which I know is dumb because I am on progesterone shots and those will super mess with your head.  But none the less, since the transfer I have noted….nauseousness, sore teeth (what?), heartburn, back pain, twinges, diarrhea, and last night I woke up with horrible gas/stomach pains.  I know this is working.

I am so confident this is going to be a positive for our sweet family.  In terms of the twins- I got a faint positive on 5dp5dt which would be tomorrow but there were 2 babies in there and my HCG was higher.  I am realllllly hoping for a faint line in the morning but super hoping for one before I go to bed Wednesday.  It would be amazing to confirm what I know is happening.  I AM PREGNANT. I just know I am.  UGH Why does this stuff have to make you nuts?

Did you know you were pregnant before your positives? How did you stay sane during your 2ww? Help!!!

p.s. I don’t even think my sweet intended parents know that testing early on at home tests is an option and I am glad.  I don’t want to even bring it up to them.  Our beta is Friday and I was thinking of seeing if they can go to dinner Thursday and surprising them with a positive test.  How special to not have to find out you are having a baby through a phone call?

xoxo

~A~

Wake, Pray, Transfer Day!!

We did it!!!! We transferred a beautiful looking embryo baby into my uterus this morning!!!!!!!!!

Karen and I took the babies to daycare at 7:30 and headed to breakfast.  We were excited to have a morning out together but also were somewhat kicked out because our cleaning lady comes every other Thursday.  We went to Cracker Barrel and I had some eggs, bacon, and grits.  Yummy.  We then had some errands to run.  I needed to go to the teacher store.  She needed a new debit card and we needed to order checks from the bank.  Our last checks were from 2012. haha. It was about time to run out I would say.  We got our wedding rings cleaned which was a nice reminder of how amazing my wife is.  I could write for days on her but for real…she is always behind the scenes making my life and our life together so special.  She never once tried to talk me out of this even when she didn’t understand why I would want to do this.  She has supported me from the start.  She is incredible.

After we ran our errands it was perfectly 10:30.  I needed to find a place to pee and drink up some water.  McDonald’s it was.  I got a large ice water and drank 2 of them before we headed to our clinic at 10:50. We got there at 11 and met our intended family outside the doctor’s office.  They are just amazing.  IM and I have been working on a project for work together and she brought me a basket of goodies yesterday.  Inside was bath bombs, heart burn gummies, lotion, notebooks with pineapples, a book, and a shirt that said “Something beautiful is about to happen.” She had one for herself as well.

We took some pictures before we went in.  We went back immediately and then I did my blood draw.  We then went back to the procedure rooms. We were in the room closest to the procedure room.  We all got changed.  They allowed 2 people to go back there.  Karen and I talked before that we thought it was most important that mommy and daddy were there.  Karen waited for us in the room.  Transfer took about 5 minutes from start to finish.  They let me pee (thank God) and we were good to go.

Karen and I had lunch, I took a nap before getting the babies from daycare, and then the parents brought us dinner tonight. So very sweet.  They brought us rotisserie chicken, mac and cheese, Mediterranean salad, rolls, and dessert.  Delicious!!

I colored with my babies tonight, played with them outside a bit (it’s finally not 99 degrees), and put them to bed knowing our lives could be different for awhile.  I hope they know their mama loves them and helping make a family only shows how thankful I am to have my own.

Blood draw for HCG is a week from tomorrow! We haven’t talked about testing early.  Positive vibes appreciated 🙂

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It’s Transfer Week!!!

We made it.  It’s the week I thought would never come for us or our sweet family.  Between the insurance calls, the counseling sessions, the retrieval, and the blood draws- it’s been a process.  Honestly, nearly a year to get us to this point.  I met our intended mom a year ago. We sat in Barnes and Noble and we shared our stories.  I instantly knew this was going to be amazing. And it has been.  It’s scary knowing it could all be over in 2 weeks.  Two weeks from today we will know for sure if we are good or not good.

I think what scares me more though, is not being scared.  When I was trying to conceive my babies, I never in a million years thought we would get pregnant.  I told Karen all the time when we got pregnant “now what….now what”  I just thought I would spend the next decade TRYING to get pregnant. After 7 BFN’s- you just assume it will be all you ever see.  For this though, I am so confident.  Everything (while taking forever) has been so great.

I had my lining check on Saturday.  Our intended family was out of town so they couldn’t join me.  My lining was 12mm! Woo hoo!!  So we are good to go. Started PIO (UGH) on Saturday night and will continue until we are 12 weeks pregnant.

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Transfer is set for 11:00 on Thursday.  YAY!  We haven’t had the discussion about me taking tests at home vs waiting for the big blood draw. I took a zillion tests with my rounds for me but I will do whatever they want.

Ironically enough I am giving professional development for our school district with our intended mom.  She is going to cover me in the afternoon so I can rest after the transfer.

And then we wait!!! Bring it on!!

xoxo

A

#Onedaycloser

We are here.  A place I began to think wouldn’t be a reality. We are working through our FET. I have officially been on estrogen pills and patches since Saturday as well as baby aspirin. My progesterone in oil arrives today and I will begin that on our transfer date which is currently June 21st.  Our lining check on June 16 will determine if that date sticks.

Speaking of sticking- I have been eating all the “sticky” foods to help our chances.  I am soooo wanting this to happen for our intended parents. They are incredible and deserve this baby. I plan to write a letter to both our intended mother and the baby when my emotions are at an all time high …what can go wrong, right? haha.

While it feels like June 21 is still awhile away- I know how fast things go once you are pregnant so the last thing I want to do is wish away the process.  I am so thankful for science, for my body, and for this family.  Fertility treatment can truly be magical.

Quick update- Ultrasound 30 minutes away!

Hi!!!

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We are finalllyyy a GOOO!!!!!!!!!!!  We got the phone call we have waited for for nearly a year!!!  We are ready to cycle!!! Dates look like this

Baseline ultrasound- TODAY!  in 30 minutes- ignore the grammatical errors!!

Saturday- Start estrogen pills, estrogen vivel patch, and a baby aspirin!

June 16- Lining Check!! Make sure that lining is nice, thick, and sticky!!

June 21- Wake, pray, transfer day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

June 29- Blood draw to see BFP or BFN (Totally feeling positive though)

July 1- Blood draw to check for doubling!!!

July 1st after blood draw- leave for Disney trip with my own babies 🙂

Bring. On. This. Miracle!

Oh…did I mention I started grad school and am getting my masters in Educational Leadership!?  That’s a thing!! It’s week 2 of my first class and holy moly- it took a minute to remember what it feels like to be the student again!  So far- rocking an A in my first class! #proud!

So that’s my life….

22 Month old (tomorrow) Twins

Having someone else’s baby

Teaching Summer school and providing district PD this summer on Classroom Management

Grad School….

What could go wrong? 🙂 🙂