The End and The Beginning

Well friends, our pregnancy journey for this round has ended. I went to an ultrasound at 10 weeks and 4 days and there was no heartbeat. It was gut wrenching and horrible. I will also say – it wasn’t all that surprising for me. Having had 2 normal pregnancies in the past I can be the first to say this one just didn’t feel right. While I prayed and hoped that this wouldn’t be how it ended, in my heart I knew this wasn’t going the right way. The IM was with me and we went back and as soon as they showed that sweet baby I knew there was nothing to see as far as heart movement. There was no flapping, no fluttering, and now movement near the chest. After about 2 minutes the tech confirmed what I knew. I held it together and we then we moved to a regular room where our OB came in and walked us through next steps.

I had a D&C three days later and am finally done bleeding. We had a follow up with the fertility clinic and I am to call at day one of my next cycle. We are going to do a uterine biopsy (which was the original plan before I found out I was 8 weeks pregnant) and then we will continue with a cycle after that. What a road and my heart is so broken for the parents. While it broke me, it wasn’t the same for me as it was for them. They were so optimistic and now the mom is so mad. So mad she said she is not coming to any appts until the baby is delivered. I can see myself feeling the same way she has. Mad at God, mad at the universe, just so so mad. Hoping for a healthy pregnancy and baby our next round. Next round they are going to attempt a boy! We will see if their prince is waiting to be their first born!

xoxo

A

9 + 4

Today I am 9 weeks and 4 days pregnant with a baby that is the truest miracle I have ever been apart of. I know for a lot of people not knowing you are pregnant for a few weeks is the normal routine but for me this is unheard of and I think because of that I am having such a hard time wrapping my mind around the whole thing. Maybe it’s because I was literally told the cycle failed and found out 4 weeks later it didn’t. Maybe it’s because I have been nauseous but not crazy sick that I am nervous about that along with the baby measuring a week behind. Maybe it’s simply that this isn’t my baby and so my connection is different which may be a good thing. I don’t know – all I know is I will be 10 weeks pregnant on Thursday, 25% of the way through my pregnancy and I can’t even believe it’s real.

My last update I explained what happened but I didn’t update that we had another ultrasound last Wednesday. It was our spring break which made it nice to have a week to rest a bit (as much as someone rests with 3 kids under 5). I got there at 8 am and the mom and dad were there too. We went back and ta da! A heartbeat going 155 bpm and everything looking great. Remember at the first scan she was measuring a week behind. She was measuring that again so she grew a full week which is what they were mostly concerned about. We aren’t out of the woods yet and she is still a week behind but nonetheless she is growing as she should and the mystery of it all continues. All I know is I am happy to be one week closer.

They measured my progesterone again since I wasn’t on any until the week before when we found out everything and told me they would call with my updates. They said if it was good and if my OB could get me in within 2 weeks then they would graduate me. Sure enough they called that afternoon and said my progesterone was 25 (it was 3 the week before) and I had talked to my OB who can see us for our initial appointment April 5th so we are official fertility clinic graduates! Waiting for next Monday may feel like 99 years but hopefully since we are back to school this week, it will go quickly!!

I am cautiously optimistic and hope that after a scan or two more we will all start to feel more relaxed and that nothing else throws us for a loop going forward! This has been plenty! Also – my fertility clinic changed their entire protocol after this happened. Anyone with a positive HCG at all will have another blood draw. They call it the Amber Alert and I think I am honored 🙂 Add it to the script of the lifetime movie!

Happy Spring!

xoxo

A

What. A. Ride

Bear with me – I sucked at updating after our negative test. Let me try and recap and tell you where we are today. Soon to be a lifetime movie !! Here is the trailer…

So we had our transfer on February 9. All went well, it looked good, we were golden. We were off for snow the entire time of my wait. I took some stick sticks and saw a tinyyyy line but nothing exciting so I knew the outcome wasn’t going to be good. I did my blood draw on February 19th and they called and said it was negative. No shock there. Disappointed but again, I was prepared.

Of course the IP’s were upset and we all had our cries. They came over a few days later and we took care of payment for the first transfer and all of that and just enjoyed each other’s company. Our plan moving forward was to have a telehealth appointment on April 7th and go from there.

Doctor’s office called and said they could move us up to March 8th. So we took it! We met via zoom and went over a plan. We were going to do a uterine biopsy for two reasons. One was just to be positive there was nothing abnormal in there. And the second reason was to make a small hole for the next embryo to hopefully attach to. We were also planning to use a uterine glue to help with implantation moving forward.

I went in yesterday for my uterine biopsy. It was a totally normal morning, they had me do a urine sample for a pregnancy test, then I waited in a consult room for directions. A nurse came in and went over what the procedure would be like. I signed my consent and kept waiting. My favorite ultrasound tech came by to say hi and then she quickly was pulled away. She came back and shut the door and said “Your urine test was positive for HCG”

INSERT BLANK STARE!!!!!!!

I didn’t freak out – cept for I kind of did. haha I said “what do we do?!?!?!” She said “we are going to do some labs” so they drew my blood, they stopped everyone else’s to spin mine and we just waited. I went to the parking lot and called my wife and she nearly fainted at work! Who wouldn’t?! I thought for sure this was going to be a situation where my numbers were just not all the way to zero. (My HCG was a 4.8 9dpt5dt) so I thought maybe it was hanging around there. I came back up and went back to the room. She walked back in and said “Amber it’s over 10,000…we have to do an ultrasound”

WHAT IN THE WORLLLLDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay now 90,000 things went through my head. I have been drinking. I went sledding. I went in a hot tub. Did I mention drinking?! YIIIKKEEESSSSS Also keep in mind the parents know none of this now. I asked if they should call and she said not yet, let’s get all the details.

I went for an ultrasound and everyone in the office came in with me. Sure enough ya’ll- a baby! with a heartbeat!!! Heartbeat was 130 yesterday! I should be 7 weeks and 6 days yesterday based off my transfer and the baby measured 6 weeks and 5 days so my guess is we had a late implanter. The NP said the measurement is a little concerning but being that they have NEVER HAD THIS HAPPEN EVER- she wasn’t going to be too worried about anything until we saw more next week.

I went back on all my meds last night. My progesterone is obviously very low because I haven’t been on any! He said my estrogen is pretty high and that looked good but he put me on it anyways.

So here I am !!! 8 weeks pregnant with a baby we had no idea took!!! The parents are so excited and I think I am excited but I am also nervous. I will feel better when we see the baby growing next week!!!

I will let you know who is going to play me in the movie !!

xoxo

A

Transfer Day and 1 and 2dp5dt

Transferring someone else’s embryo into your body is quite possibly the most magical and craziest moment I have ever experienced. Our transfer was Tuesday and I worked that morning. I had to pee and start drinking water at 9:45. Last transfer I was so miserable I remember barely being able to make it through the procedure but I was not so miserable this time. I definitely had a full bladder but didn’t want to die in the meantime. My IM met me in the lobby and we went down together. I was the excited one and she was nervous. I know it is because of her losses and her fear of getting too excited too soon. We balanced each other well. We got called back right around 10:45, we put on our gear, and back we went. We saw the shining star on the ultrasound and everything looked perfect. We were done at 11:20. I took the rest of the day off and my wife did as well. We went and grabbed some lunch and came home and took a nap before we had to pick up the kids from school. We got hit with an ice storm the night of our transfer so I have not been back to work yesterday, or today, and they just cancelled for tomorrow! Winning! A nice cozy wait which is also making time go increasingly slow!

For all sense of the words “symptom spotting” I really haven’t much because I really haven’t had any. I am definitely bloated, my left boob is sore, and I am starving most of the time but that is all most likely due to the PIO I have been on for a week. As far as cramping or twinges or pulls, super minor if any at all. I probably notice litter things that I ever would because I am waiting for those feelings. I wish I had a few more feelings but my mental state is good. I am hopeful for this cycle but I am also hopeful in that they have 3 more embryos that are frozen. We will absolutely make them a baby !! I pray it is this cycle!

Will I POAS? You better believe it!!! Sticks to come for opinions!!

xoxo

A

Transfer Day is a Go!!!

I arrived to the third floor of my favorite hospital yesterday morning at 7:30 and had by blood drawn and ultrasound. Why was I more nervous for this appointment than the actual transfer? I knew the entire transfer was on the line with this one appointment. I got to have my favorite ultrasound tech and that was super exciting. She did the scan and said we looked “thick, fluffy, and a beautiful place for a baby to grow.” Winning! My lining was 16.2mm so we are golden.

They called later that afternoon to tell me that my bloodwork came back and looked good and we were to continue meds as we have taken them so far. I also began PIO yesterday. UGH! My least favorite part of all of this. I had 25mg yesterday morning (so thankful for a great school nurse who took care of me) and 50mg last night (amazing wife for this one) and now tonight I continue with 75 mg every night. I did the math and I have 64 more shots left if this all goes as planned. Any suggestions on the PIO’s? I try ice before and heat after but I need to be more diligent about that. I will take any advice!!

I have a blood draw Sunday morning at 8:30 to make sure the progesterone is going well and then transfer day is set for Tuesday! I am to arrive with my IM at 10:45 and have our transfer set for 11:00. I will come to work a bit in the morning to not drive myself crazy at home watching the clock. I will start chugging water at 9:45 to have a full bladder ready for the transfer. I am going to get on Amazon and see if I can find some socks and maybe a tshirt too! It’s going to be great day!!

Projected Due Date- October 28th 🙂 Fingers, toes, and everything else crossed !!

xoxo
A

Lining Check in T-Minus 48 Hours

We are officially less than 48 hours away from my final lining check! Which could mean we are only one week away from transfer day!!! AAHHH! I am so many emotions but I am definitely less nervous than I was with our first couple. And that has nothing to do with either couple. Our relationships with both couples were amazing. For whatever reason tho I just feel more confident about this one. Maybe it’s because this couple has 4 embryos and the last couple only had 1. Literally was all their eggs in my basket. This is just less pressure.

I have been taking my meds on time every single day (lemme tell ya what I didn’t do for my own cycles haha) Patches every 3 days and 2 estrace a day and all is going well. A little nauseousness at the beginning of it all but seems to have evened out now. My couple has been the perfect combination of involved but not intrusive. I can tell the IM is very nervous and cautious and I hope we get good news so she can relax. Bless her whole mama heart. I remember the nervousness so well and never thinking it was going to go well. I just feel so good that this is going to be successful!!!

I start PIO on Thursday after my lining check if it goes well and things are thick and sticky! This is different than my own cycles. I never started PIO until the day of the transfer but this time we are starting at the lining check appointment. Nonetheless- I won’t lie PIO is my least favorite part of these cycles. Rats. I wish they could find a way to put that stuff in a pill. It’s 2021 🙂

Update to come on Thursday !

Baseline !

And we are now officially in a cycle!!! I had my bloodwork and ultrasound done this morning at 8:15! I did ultrasound first and we talked about Covid (is there actually anything else to talk about) ugh and told her that my symptoms mocked that of a sinus infection and I lost my sense of smell but have since gained that back which makes me feel lucky. My aunt passed away from Covid complications last week and it was literally the worst thing I have ever witnessed. I was with her as she took her lasts breaths and my heart is fragile as we have just returned from traveling home for all of that. This cycle has me excited about something outside of Covid and I am thrilled.

The U/S was clear and good and she said as soon as they call with the bloodwork results we will be good to start meds tomorrow. I will take 2 estrace a day orally, I will place a Vivelle patch every 3 days on my abdomen and I will be good to go until February 4th. February 4th I will have bw and US again to check uterine lining. If it is thick enough I will have a transfer date of Feb 9th!!

Let’s go, team baby!

Tomorrow!!

It’s go time!!!!! Tomorrow I go in at 8:15 for blood work and ultrasound to begin monitoring! I literally am weeks away from a year ago when I met my IP’s! Covid hit, life hit, and here we are!!! We are looking at a projected transfer date of 2/9 if all goes well!!

Current plan

1/22- Monitoring Appt BW/US
1/23 Begin Oral Estrace and Estrogen Patch
2/4 – BW and US and begin PIO
2/9- Transfer Date!!!

If all goes on track we are looking at an October 28th due date for this baby girl! I am so excited!!!

Updates tomorrow!! Go team baby!!

So Close

We should be a month out from transfer month!!! WOoo hooo!! Our IP’s are excited and ready but I think I am more excited than they are. I get it. I had pregnancy loss and had a rough time getting pregnant so you do hit a place where you think to yourself – this will never happen for me. I think that is where they are and it breaks my whole heart.

We have been heavy into contract and legalities and man that part is exhausting. We agreed on mostly all of it with very little tweaks needed on either end. It’s just so many things to think about. “What if I end up on life support?” “What if I have to go on early bed rest?” “Who decides if I can have caffeine?” I mean my goodness!

Nonetheless we are meeting with our fertility doctor on Dec 23 for a telehealth visit with all of us together in order for us to get the final all clear!! I am so excited! From there we should leave with a cycle calendar and a plan!! It’s so close to go time!

Our IP’s are looking for short term disability to provide for me during the pregnancy. Anyone have any idea where I might find that? My employer offers it but only during open enrollment and we missed the cut off by 3 days! UGH! So now we are looking in the marketplace. Advice accepted!!

xoxo
A

Check it off the List!

The next couple steps in our gestational carrier cycle are complete and I am getting so excited!! Yesterday we went to our clinic to have blood work and urine samples done for both my wife and myself! Then I stayed for an SIS ultrasound. It was completely painless and easy peezy. My ultrasound was glowing on the screen and both the tech and the NP who were with me said everything looked great and we could check that step off the list.

One of the most annoying parts of this have been insurance. Grrrr. It’s a complete situation of the right hand doesn’t know what they left hand is doing. So when I called the clinic they said that they can bill my insurance for things at the fertility clinic because I have coverage. Great. However when you ask my insurance, they say we can’t. Similarly when we ask insurance if I have gestational carrier coverage they say no but when you call my OB – they say that they don’t bill a gestational carrier pregnancy any differently than they do if it was my baby. Moral of the story – our IP’s hired an insurance investigator to look at my insurance and see what we need to do. My IP’s are willing to take out an insurance policy on me but I hate for them to do that in the event it’s unnecessary.

I am now awaiting a call from the clinic to hear about my bloodwork results and the next steps. I am so very ready and excited to be on track to transfer. More to come at that point!!

xoxo
A